Sixteen years ago, I was lost. Weak in mind, body, and spirit, I hated myself and my extreme shyness. I felt as if I was living my life on autopilot.
Growing up, I was constantly bullied for my appearance and lack of athleticism. Though I was never overweight, my stepdad liked to call me “the fat one.” Food was used as a reward and punishment, and my parents projected their insecurities about their bodies onto us kids.
In hindsight, it’s easy to see why I have struggled with disordered eating since I was a teen. And no matter how much I weighed, I always thought I was too fat and that this was the reason for my sorrow and loneliness.
However, no matter how thin I became, people didn’t respect me more. And my parents still didn’t show any signs that would signal, “we care for you.”
As luck would have it, a comment from an acquaintance finally woke me up.
I weighed around 36kg for several months when she remarked, “you look so frail.” Something clicked that day.
I didn’t want to be frail. I wanted to be strong. And my transformation began…
I knew I wanted to gain weight. And I wanted to gain only muscle, not body fat. After all, I didn’t want to return to square one and start another weight loss journey. However, I struggled to gain muscle, and over the next years, my weight fluctuated a lot. I remained underweight for most of my 20s.
When an injury left me unable to run in 2012, I searched for ways to keep fit at home because I was still too shy to join a gym. I stumbled upon kettlebells, ordered a pair, and the rest is history….